“God, help me! I need you!”
It was all I could manage to pray as I laid there on the couch, in fetal position just sobbing.
I couldn’t eat. I couldn’t think. I could barely even dress myself, as deciding on what to wear required way too much decision-making. I couldn’t focus on any single task long enough to complete it, including doing my hair or make-up, or even making breakfast. My short-term memory was, well, a distant memory. I would wander around my apartment aimlessly because every time I walked into a room I just could not recall, if my life depended on it, what I went in there for. I couldn’t even have a normal conversation with another adult without fighting back tears.
I felt like I had lost the ability to function as a normal adult in society. I had called out of work that Monday and let them know that I would not be returning for a while. Very UNLIKE Me- the Rachel that always had it together, or at least, APPEARED to. In the three and a half years of going through treatment for lyme disease, I had probably taken less than 10 sick days. I was the person who worked through migraines, stomachaches, flu-like aches and pains, and oftentimes on little-to-no sleep. I was the person, that no matter how terrible I felt, showed up at work each day donning a stylish outfit with my hair neatly curled and lipstick on. THAT was me…before. But the jig was up. I had reached my breaking point.
It had been MONTHS since I had had a good night’s rest. I’d lie awake night after night counting sheep, crying, praying, practicing deep breathing, and watching the clock tick. Insomnia was nothing new to me. I had dealt with many bouts of it throughout my life, but this was by far the worst. Each sleepless morning had led to a miniature emotional and mental breakdown. I had managed to keep my head above water for several months through our busy year-end season at work, but now I was truly falling apart at the seams.
So, there I was, curled in a ball, tears streaming down my face, calling out to God to HELP me, SAVE me, RESCUE me from this pit of despair.
It’s ALL I could do. I had tried melatonin, tryptophan, lavender pills, 5-HTP, magnesium and every other sleep supplement you could possibly think of. I had tried ambien, deep breathing, massage, nightly sleep decrees, and more. You name it. I tried it.
BUT now, ALL I could do was CRY out to the Lord. I didn’t realize it at the time, but I believe now it was a PIVOTAL moment.
Fast forward just a couple months, and the Lord totally RESCUED me. Not just in the way I thought, but in BIGGER and BETTER ways. In the blink of an eye, He took me out of a job that I was incredibly unhappy in and provided finances to cover me. He gave me 7 months of complete FREEDOM and REST, where I could focus ALL of my attention on Him. And He lavished His love on me as I drew near to His heart. BEST of all, He revealed Himself in completely NEW ways that radically shifted my entire paradigm about what it means to be a Child of God and WHO I am in Him.
My relationship with God has never been same since that spring of 2017. I now KNOW that I can cry out to Him, as Abba Father. And He hears me, He rescues me, and He even comforts me.
Jesus cried out to “Abba” Father and the Word says that as children of God, we too can call Him “Abba” Father. If you aren’t familiar with the term “Abba”, it is a very intimate term for Father. In our language, you could equate it to the word “Daddy.”
That means, it is our inheritance, to come to the Father LIKE a CHILD, and to cry out to Him as “Daddy.” And dare I say that the Father actually LOVES when we come to Him like this. WHY? Because its SUBMISSION. It’s SURRENDER to Him. It’s saying, “I can’t do this God, but I know YOU can.” It’s admitting our NEED and RELYING on Him.
You know, admittedly, when I cried out to God back in 2017, I didn’t know Him as Abba Father. BUT I cried out because I KNEW He was my ONLY hope. At the time, I thought I was just WEAK. And that I lacked ENOUGH faith. And that’s why I was STRUGGLING so much. That’s why I couldn’t GET it together.
But that’s a self-reliant mindset. I can see now that crying out to the FATHER is just the OPPOSITE. It takes FAITH to come him like a child and cry out “Abba, help me!” And I believe that it actually takes a lot of STRENGTH to ADMIT you are weak, and you NEED Him.
While I don’t delight in the CIRCUMSTANCES that have since led me to get on my knees and cry out those three little words, “Abba, help me!” I do DELIGHT in knowing that I CAN cry out to him, "Abba, help me!" Because I know that I can come to Him and He will take care of Me. He will comfort me, He will strengthen me, and He will fight for me, like a DADDY does for His little girl.
Galatians 4:6 “And because you are sons, God has sent forth the Spirit of His Son into your hearts, crying out, ‘Abba Father!’ Therefore you are no longer a slave but a son, and if a son, then an heir of God through Christ.”
Romans 8:15 “For you did not receive the spirit of bondage again to fear, but you received the Spirit of adoption by whom we cry out, ‘Abba Father.’”
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