Can I tell you something I’ve never told ANYONE?
I’m serious. You are the first to hear this. And even right now, it’s hard for me to write about.
In my previous posts, I told you about how there was a time when I realized I didn’t LOVE myself. Well, there was also a time when I OPPOSITE of LOVED myself. I’m not even going to write the word out, because it’s such a terrible word that I now consider it a swear word.
But you know what it is. It’s a four-letter word that starts with an H and ends with an E. Yea, there was a time (in fact a long span of time) when I felt THAT way about myself.
My sophomore year of college I remember many nights where I cried myself to sleep. In spite, of just joining a sorority, and moving into a house with 60 other girls, I could not have felt MORE ALONE, or more DEPRESSED. In high school, I had always found meaning and identity in being part of my friend group. We did everything together, and with them, I felt like I belonged. But in college I was struggling to find where I fit in. Sure, I still had many of my friends from high school, but they had all begun to develop new friendships and new social groups. Groups that, although I was always welcome, I didn’t necessarily feel a part of. Yet, even after joining a sorority, I couldn’t have felt MORE like a social outcast. Though the women in my pledge class were lovely, I STRUGGLED to relate to them. It felt like we came from completely different worlds and like we spoke different languages. Sometimes they would invite me out with them, but most of the time they didn’t. And the times they did, I often declined because I didn’t want to feel like the outsider of the group.
Not a single soul KNEW this, or would have guessed, had they seen me out and about at parties, but in my room, when no one was around, I would sob for HOURS upon HOURS. I felt like I was overlooked, unseen, unwanted and unloved. I EVEN spoke those very words out. THAT’s the first LIE the devil fed me. THEN, I proceeded to come into agreement with the LIE that there MUST be something WRONG with me. If other people aren’t seeing any VALUE in me, then there must not BE any value in ME.
(The DEVIL is a BIG FAT LIAR!!!)
And from there, things just nose-dived. I became SO depressed that there was a point where I didn’t even WANT to LIVE. It got THAT bad. And STILL, I never told a single SOUL. I was so embarrassed, so ashamed, that I just bottled it all up inside.
If ONLY I KNEW then what I KNOW now…
That I am FEARFULLY and WONDERFULLY made (Psalms 139:14). A marvelous work of His hands. God’s MASTERPIECE (Ephesians 2:10).
When we truly understand that, we can’t NOT see how VALUABLE we are.
Dictionary.com defines the word “masterpiece” as “a person’s greatest work of art.”
Therefore, God actually says that we are His GREATEST work of ART.
But not only are we a great work of art, we are HIS great work of art. Which means we BELONG to Him.
You see, the devil tried to tell me just the opposite back when I was in college. He told me I didn’t BELONG (Lie #1) and then he proceeded to tell me that something was WRONG with me (Lie #2). Such a load of BALARNEY (I now know)!!!
These are two age-old lies that the Devil LOVES to tell people. But it hurts my heart to see so many people, even believers, still buying into these lies.
Sometimes the signs are more dramatic and obvious, like in my story. But I also believe there are many more subtle manifestations of these lies taking root in our lives. Maybe we criticize ourselves- our looks, our weight, aspects of our personality, or things we see as undesirable in ourselves. Maybe we jokingly put ourselves down in front of others to try to hide the fact that we feel extremely insecure about that very thing. Maybe we isolate ourselves from others, going about life on our own, without community, because deep down, we feel like we don’t really belong. OR, maybe it’s even as SUBTLE as trying to BE someone other than who God created us to be. We want to look like THAT model, or DRESS like that fashionista, or have THAT guy’s anointing, or THAT girl’s gifting, rather than appreciate who God made us to be.
I know I have been guilty of ALL those things.
BUT, coming to understand what it means to be fearfully and wonderfully made has radically shifted my perspective. Because, here’s what I realized…
If I’m dissing myself. If I’m not appreciating WHO God made me to BE. Then I am actually CRITICIZING God’s handiwork. I’m actually telling the Lord that He didn’t do such a great job creating me. That He made some mistakes or errors along the way. That He didn’t make me good enough. Or that He could have done a better job.
Yes, I mean it. The Lord showed me, that when I INSULT myself, I am INSULTING Him and His handiwork. And worst of all, I’m coming into agreement with the lies of the enemy.
So, let’s EXPOSE the enemy’s LIES once and for all and come into agreement with the TRUTH of God’s Word.
Anytime you feel the urge to say, or even THINK, something negative about yourself, I want you to repeat after me.
“I AM FEARFULLY and WONDERFULLY MADE. I AM CREATED for a PURPOSE. I AM HANDCRAFTED by the CREATOR of the UNIVERSE. I AM GOD’S MASTERPIECE.”
Period. The End.
Take that devil!!!
P.S. If you really want to give the enemy a sucker punch to the throat, just wear this tee 😜
“I will praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Marvelous are Your works, And that my soul knows very well.” (Psalms 139:14)
“For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand that we should walk in them.” (Ephesians 2:10)